rose and my heart.

summer finally came. in its half ass way anyhow. with mosquitos. bastard.

determined to enjoy every moment possible, Caden and I have beached, camped, or adventured almost daily (that he is with me and not dad). today being an exception because our house is in serious need of order and i being inordinately strung out and going through some serious life changes feel the need to ORGANIZE. control what you can, let the rest go. my mantra for survival as of now. i will learn to live and be soon.

caden will be four so soon. in say 4 days. we will have party hats and cupcakes at our normal beach haunt in the afternoon. i hope that many people that love him and have known him forever since belly and beyond will come and wear hats with us. he is my sunshine. i am aware daily that his love is really all i need to feel so content and proud.

i find that i miss my east coast sisters and stefan almost hourly. it gets worse and worse. somehow i think that they can fill some hole that has been growing in my heart. kallista blesses me with her love and support almost every day, but she is just one piece of our familial puzzle. she grows in front of my eyes. it is so funny and calming all at the same time.

papa and i have had some really nice times lately. dinner at anchovies and olives on Sunday was nice. we had soft shell crab ( a first for him) and mackerel. olives also. and fernet branca for me, water for him. then we had americanos. i will miss the coffee if ever i leave seattle. it will be very sad to not be able to get an amazing cup of joe at the end of a fab meal. i find that somehow i am not afraid of him, to just say what i think, give suggestions about life and let loose. we examine eachother in a frank playful way. sometimes it gets emotional and heated (usually my fault, i push buttons like a pro) but normally i hope productive. often i feel like a translator for others. by others i mean kids. life is really hard for almost all of us pappas' right now whether via change, monetary or circumstantial. but i know we will prevail.

i look forward to our summit. it will be epic.

vodka sodas.

April in Seattle.

I organized all my digital pictures from the last 5 years.

The Hangover is a very very funny movie.

So far lots and lots of rain/sleet/snow. Caden is in the midst of his 'Spring Break' so we have had many hours snuggling on the couch watching movies and doing puzzles this week. It has been a nice respite from school I think for both of us. A little less hustle bustle anyway.

I have been buckling down a bit with my personal CrossFit training. Just being consistent and taking time for myself really. Opening the Box really took the wind out of my sails for a while. I tweaked my back, wasn't sleeping, working 12-15 hours a day total...blah...blah...blah. Excuses. Point being, i'm getting a lot stronger. Doing most things Rx or close and having a lot of fun. Really excited for Regionals in May. Papa is competing in Masters, Kallista in Individual, and we have a kick ass team going to rock the affiliate cup portion that I am a part of:)

Breakfast eating happens everyday.

Corn in my Coffee

Totally disturbed. We've been using those Nestle Creamer packets in our coffee all week. Usually I look at that stuff right away to see what the hell is in it, but it didnt occur to me until Suk mentioned they're non-dairy that maybe I should try to translate the spanish ingredients. Its hard enough sometimes with english to know whats in stuff because of the science speak but spanish?

Well, it was too easy. First Ingredient: CORN solids. AHHHHHHHHHH! I didn't need 3 years of spanish to get that. Shocking that everyone here, completely aside from genetics, is really lumpy(read fat) and dies at like 55.

I've been greasing my morning gut with fucking CORN. And probably a total of like I sat down and dumped a can of corn into my coffee sort of alot. Really frusterating considering how concientious i've tried to be here about what i'm eating/drinking. Obsessive? maybe, but hey--I feel great.

I'm off to take my frusteration out on the goal posts on the beach--one place I found to do pullups! It's fun, and i'm driving Suk nuts, scoping the whole resort out for places to pull off silly little stunts. I think the staff has been watching me carefully, afraid that i'll pull down one of the beach hust or something. Yesterday I traversed across the bridge that spans the pool, off the edge, no feet about 15 yards. It only said 'NO DIVING'. Take that all you Fat Ass americans. Also, who needs a sanding block? I've got the real thing.

Today I met a Cougar

Not feline however.

We made the aquiantance of a 60 year old woman--- european, very beautiful and classy, dating a man 22 years year junior. 8 years into their relationship, and they seem very happy. 3 Kids, a longtime previous marriage and so much travel and experience under her belt. I enjoyed her company very much, but also could not help thinking-- man all the men her age must really hate that such a beautiful woman is dating such a young man, and I imagined that her partner has experienced much disbelief from the younger generation. It struck me, as we spoke and drank with her, that her relationship (with the often negative stigma attached to it) is just one more example of the need for all of us to accept each person for their own beliefs, orientation and lifestyle choices. Love is love. It has made me hopeful. With that said, we all know am very blunt, critical and outspoken... maybe I should lay off the Dan Savage stuff.... Nah.

I am going to paint my toes now.

crustaceans

We managed, despite much experience, to slightly burn on the first day. Not the 'oh hell' i'm a walking cherry, but much more lobster like than would be ideal. Actually, I am a normal just got sun for the first time in a year--Suk however is perhaps a bit more pink then she is comfortable with considering her ethnic skin.

It was "cold" by local standards today, 70+ degrees in the middle of winter. We are actually wearing long sleeves after dark, but i'm completely ok not feeling like i'm suffocating for the 16 humid daylight hours.

On another note, i'm pretty sure the food is better than last year. Or maybe I just know exactly what to zero in on this time. I have also learned to LOAD up on protein and any fat i can get my hands on-- all carbs come from booze around here. Neat discovery, Mexico has coconut milk. copious amounts of it in the form of pina colada mix sans the sugar they add to the drinks. SWEET! (and not in an insulin spiking dangerously sort of way). New drink: rum, pina mix and a little banana blended. just sweet enough-- and friggin deliciously continuously cold.

The people here know us at this point. By us, I mean the bald headed Korean i am keeping company. 3rd time at this resort--somehow two sweet (sometimes belligerent) short haired girls who actually tip (europeans and canadians are the same everywhere in the shitty tipping department) make an impression. We have had champagne sent to our room anonymously--table in the Buffet!(lol) area reserved for us and I don't think dinner ressies will ever be a problem last minute. Some great little tips for where to eat locally and "disco". Ha. No disco for us, but we can smile and pretend we're not old farts who fall asleep reading and playing sudoku.

More on this whole resort thing tomorrow. Never thought i'd be the type, but thoughts are congealing (making peace with my soul) and the subject definately deserves its own post.

Now on to drink my coffee and watch the ocean from our balcony. Dont pretend you're not jealous--have I mentioned that I am really red?

mexico day one

Got to Quinta Roo today with Suk. Feeling a really guilty leaving Seattle, the hustle and bustle of life has been overwhelming lately. I have gone with the flow, redirecting as manyof life's streams as possible--but always feeling like there is more i can do. Well, maybe because there is more I can do. Its not an ideal time to go anywhere, but now that i'm here I refuse to ruin my forced relaxation by worrying about the rest of life elsewhere.

We stepped off the plane, delirious from 8 hours of travel (starting at 3am)-- I was dragged through the airport, bladder exploding to partake in the traditional first beer just outside the airport doors. Ignoring the mayan paparazzi (my take on the million and a half darling shorties assaulting every obvious tourist for tours, rides pictures etc) we chugged a beer and then found our SUV pickup. Stuck in the car with 3 very interesting people from Oklahoma (no offense mom) for 25 minutes I entertained myself with an inner dialogue centered primarily around the ladies horrible fake louis vuitton scarves and wondering if they reapplied their makeup in the bathroom at the baggage check or if it was always a mile deep.

Dinner (lots of protein to offset my guilt that is already setting in about the copious amounts of alcohol that will be consumed in next 13 days) a fun juvenile soccer game (on TV) and now lots of sleep.

oh and its supposed to rain tomorrow.

ballslams are my favorite

About a month ago was my 5 year anniversary of being in Seattle. Wow. So much has changed, so much learned. I suppose these early 20's years are a huge growth period for many, but I am still blown away as I look back at my time here. It seems right to reminisce-- and remember as I turn a very new chapter in my life. So close to a new year (I am very much looking forward to kicking this one goodbye) and I can't wait to see what is in store.

I managed to move to Seattle in the midst of, and spurred by a young tumultuous relationship. This in turn resulted in many many ups and downs, so much fun--and many tears. In the end I walked away and managed to keep an amazing friend (though it has been hard work) and a beautiful baby boy (just as much pleasure). This 'little' boy turned 3 in August. Learned to use the Potty in September. Started school(!) in November and has presently adopted many many many opinions. In the midst of all this, 2 years ago I somehow managed to convince my Papa and Co. that Seattle was an amazing and beautiful place (conveniently left out the shitty winters part...). As a result The Pappas clan migrated to the great NorthWest. Somehow we find them primarily in the East currently. Laurel, Chad, Acacia, Aimee & Stefan all call Maryland their home.

So many little details interim.

Now, I still work at that "swanky" restaurant in Belltown. 4 years later having run the gamut from host, server, bartender, lead and everything in between. I stay the hell away from the kitchen--I like my fingers.

We (Papa, Kallista & I) also just (5 months ago) opened a CrossFit space in Georgetown. I has been overwhelming-- and incredibley rewarding. I cannot wait, and am scared to see what the future brings for us here. Slow but steady growth. Maybe someday we will pay ourselves for it? And maybe, just maybe soon I will have time to work out too.

I miss my sisters (and brother) alot. It is so hard to be without them, though they may not know it. I miss fighting with Laurel and her old person knowlege. And I miss Acacia's silly and spontaniety. Stefan-- I hope you are becoming a little man & come back to play with your nephew someday. Aimee, I miss my friend and partner in crime--who will fix my zippers now?

Time to coach class.